


Beside Me

by writtenbyfreckles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Beginnings, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hogwarts, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), jily, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenbyfreckles/pseuds/writtenbyfreckles
Summary: A moment in Seventh Year.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 11
Kudos: 86





	Beside Me

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at writing in many many years.  
> Hope you enjoy.

He heard her footsteps coming down the otherwise empty corridor.  
He saw her distinctive shadow on the castle floor, through the gaps between his fingers as he held his head in hand, eyes trained down.  
He felt her warmth as she sat next to him on the flagstones, her back sliding roughly, noisely down the wall.  
He smelt her clean, gentle floral shampoo as her head came level with his.

"You didn't come to dinner."

"No."

Her intake of breath was audible as she took in his short, bitten response. "Why?"

"Couldn't."

"How come?"

"'Cause."

Frustrated, she moved restlessly to find a more comfortable position on the hard, cold floor. Her shoulder clipped his elbow as she lent sideways to smooth her robes under her. His body stiffened involuntarily at the contact, fingers grasping more tightly at locks of unruly hair.

"You haven't been to meals since yesterday."

A grunt confirmed her statement. "Kitchens."

"I've barely seen you since..." she trailed off uselessly, unsure how to proceed, unsure of how to move through this uncharted territory, not a new situation, but new to them as a... whatever they were.

He didn't respond this time, but his knee started to shake, jerkingly, like he was trying to control the emotions that caused it, but wasn't having much luck.

"You haven't even looked at me."

"Not true." The words bit out of him before he could stop them, no more the master of his tongue than his knee.

"I'd have noticed."

"Been staring at me?"

"Yes actually. I tend to do that when I'm worried about someone I care for. And you haven't looked once."

Silence again. Never had the wall in front of her seemed so interesting as she stared resolutely forward.

"Nice plait."

"What?"

"Your hair. It's in a plait today. Not a ponytail. It looks nice."

Her head, her eyes, most of her body swung to face him. He hadn't moved from his position, still stiff, still clutching at his hair, still jiggling his knee, that one limb betraying his otherwise cool demeanor.

"So you'll look at me enough to notice my hairstyle, but not enough to meet my eye? To talk to me? To smile at me? Merlin, I'd take a scowl at this rate."

"Can't." As terse as the first word he'd spoken.

"But why?"

He fell silent again despite the lost quality in her voice.

Again she turned her attention back to the blank wall in front of them. Portraitless, armourless, not even a torch stand to distract her whirling thoughts.

"I get if your mad at me. I get that I keep getting into these scrapes. That I can't hold my tongue or stop injecting myself into situations that are going to draw attention to me. I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it. I have to do it. I can't sit back or turn a blind eye. You know that. Please, be mad, give me your anger. Shout if you have to. Just please, don't ignore me."

"I'm not ignoring you."

Her exasperated, unladylike snort changed them both. His body relaxed somewhat, though his knee continued to move. Her posture slumped as her gaze turned downward to her clenched hands.

"If your regretting becoming friends, I get that. If things are getting too crazy and you want to distance yourself, I get that too. If you want to report me to Dumbledore, you can do that."

He snorted this time, "Be a bit hypocritical of me."

"Well I wasn't going to bring that up. Thin ice and all." She couldn't help the smirk despite her ongoing anxiety. "Please, just let me have it."

"There's nothing to say. I'm not mad at you."

"James, please -"

He lifted his head to look at the wall in front too. "I'm not mad at you." The strength of his tone, convinced her that this at least, was true.

"Then why? Why won't you look at me?" Her eyes turned back to his of their own accord, boring into the side of his head.

His voice trembled as began to speak, the cold, barely leashed fury breaking his normally charmed tone. "I can't look at you, because I don't know how to stay calm if I do. I don't know how to look at you, and not react. Not go and find those bastards. Not beat them to a pulp, with Sirius to help if I can find him on the way."

"James, I'm fine. And maybe you didn't hear, I took care of them myself."

"I heard. Sirius is very proud. I know you can handle yourself. I know you don't need me to fight your battles for you. But it doesn't stop me wanting to do it anyway. Doesn't stop me wanting to make sure you won't have to do it ever again"

"We're in a war, James. And I'm at the centre of it. You can't protect me from it."

Finally his eyes turned to meet hers. And she understood why he hadn't wanted to before. The hazel burned so much that the gold flecks seemed to move around, darting through his irises like lightening bolts.

"But I want to. I want to stand next to you, in front of you, behind you even. With you. Here in the castle, and next year, when we're out there. I want to protect you, as you protect me, as we protect our friends and everyone that doesn't deserve this shit. I want to be there through every moment, good and bad, triumphant and terrible. I want to be with you as badly as I want to kill those sorry excuses for wizards, and Lily, I'm terrified that you won't let me."

She couldn't look away from those eyes. Fumbling, she reached for his hand where it still rested against his knee, the knee that had finally stilled with his outpouring.

Looking down, he flipped his palm up as she reached, and felt flooded with warm as their fingers intertwined and squeezed.

"Beside me."

His eyes flicked back to hers. The fear in her tone had dissipated. She spoke quietly now, but with growing confidence.

"You can stand beside me. We'll fight together."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There's no one I'd rather have."

Finally he started to smile, and her own was blinding in return.


End file.
